All That Glitters Isn’t a Vampire, Usually

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As the ambulance pulled in to the Jiffy Mart parking lot on Bridge Street, Dean scanned the area. Scene safety was the first responsibility and while it was moderately busy with people coming in to get their morning coffee on the way to work, there was nothing out of the ordinary. He pointed to a gold tone minivan parked along the side of the building. The windows were tinted dark and in the early dawn light and the headlights of the ambulance, there was no way he could see if anyone was inside.

Brynne drove the ambulance up beside the minivan as Dean keyed the mic and said, “U-191 on location.”

Brynne put the unit in park and climbed out. Dean did the same on the passenger side and as he did so, a short, plump, middle-aged and shirtless white guy jumped out of the driver’s door of the minivan, shrieked “Thank God you’re here” He dashed to the side of the ambulance, opened the side door of the ambulance box and jumped in, shutting it behind him. Brynne came around the back of the unit while Dean just stood there.

“Well, get the gear out probie!” she said. “Don’t just stand there with your mouth open.”

“Don’t tell me, Boss,” he said, gesturing to the ambulance door. “I think our patient just jumped from his car to the back of the unit shouting ‘Thank God you’re here.’”

“What?” she said crossing over to the ambulance’s side door. She stood on tip toe and looked in the window before letting out an exasperated sigh. “I didn’t recognize the car but I should’ve guessed.” She looked at Dean. “Well climb on in. Let me introduce you to Gibbie.” Dean grasped the door handle, quirked an eyebrow at Brynne, opened it and climbed in with his preceptor close behind. As Dean sat down in the captain’s chair at the head of the cot, Brynne climbed in and sat in the side chair facing the patient.

The patient was stripping off his clothes and appeared to be covered in some kind of glitter make up or something, which he was getting everywhere. There were also noticeable hives popping up all over his torso. Gibbie, as Brynne had called him, ripped open a ten pack of four by four gauze and began to frantically wipe at his skin. He looked up at Brynne and Dean. “Thank, God! Thank, God! Thank, God! Brynne, you’ve got to get this stuff off me. It’s itching like crazy. I swear I’m having some kind of reaction to it.”

“I’ll say,” said Brynne looking him over. “Gibbie, calm down. Getting yourself all worked up is only going to make the reaction worse.” She looked at Dean. “Get a bottle of sterile water out of the cabinet behind you. I’ll get some more gauze. There should also be a few folded white towels in with the sheets and pillow-cases for the cot. Get them, too.” She turned back to their frantic patient. “Good Lord, Gibbie what is this stuff?” Brynne said as she, too began to wipe the glittery cream off him as best she could.

“It’s sunscreen, ok. I was trying to impress my new girlfriend. She’s all in to those old Twilight books and I thought I could impress her by showing that I can sparkle in the sunshine, too.” He started blubbering, as he looked around. “Oh my God! We have to get out of here. She works night shift here at the Jiffy Mart and gets off at 6. I was going to surprise her by standing by her car as the sun came up. Sparkling the way she wants me to. Now it’s all ruined!” He started sobbing and whimpering as he continued to swab at the glitter cream all over his chest. Gibbie

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was actually the esteemed Gibson Proctor and while he looked middle aged, Dean would later find out he was over 600 years old, more that a bit flighty, and a vampire.

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